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A sad Mother's Day for me

Written by Kathryn Spira


This will be the first Mother's Day I won't send flowers to my Mom.

She lived a long life, to age 90. It is with a biter/sweet heart that I write to you guys. Mom was sick with stage two Alzheimer's. She died the day after Christmas 2016, but because of the nature of the disease I actually lost her longer ago than this.

She was living in Chicago in a Nursing Home very close to my sister Debbie. Debbie would often call me with mom on Facebook video chat. We got to see one another, which I think helped both of us very much. It's one thing to just hear a voice, it's totally another to have a face to go along with the voice. Once my mom saw me on video chat she was much more able to figure out who I was. However, in the last several months she was alive she had a more difficult time figuring out who I was. That's when my sister Debbie was very helpful in prompting my mom to figure out who I was.

In fact one of the last times we spoke over video chat my mom grabbed the phone Debbie was using and kissed it. That made me feel really good. What I think I miss the most is talking to her daily and laughing until I had tears in my eyes. Since her death I've found myself having to remind myself that she's actually gone. It's as though she is still very much a part of my life. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thinking about Mom.

I am very grateful that my sister Debbie was there in Chicago so that she could see her every day. I enclose a photo Debbie took of Mom with flowers she received on Mother’s Day 2013 including flowers I had sent.

What Debbie did after she died was have her body flown back to Cleveland where she was laid to rest next to my Dad. I always thought it was weird that there was a empty plot next to my father waiting for my mom to die so she can be buried next to him. I have found myself thinking more about all my deceased friends and relatives lately and wondering where they all are.

I do believe in God, I believe in an after-life and I think they're all up in heaven. One thing I do know (and this is just a gut feeling) but there are no wheel chairs in what I imagine heaven to be like. It's not that Im thinking of dying but I do wonder a lot what comes next.

One tradition we have is going to the cemetery where a loved one is buried and putting stones on the head stone thus signifying that the visitor has come to pay their respects.

I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's Day. I'll be lost in thought of Mom and our wonderful memories.


About Kathryn Spira

Kathryn Spira, a native of Cleveland, OH who pursued an acting career in NYC and Los Angeles, now pursues freelance writing from Caroga Lake in Fulton County, New York. Previous columns may be accessed at her web site